I List: The Worst Movies I've Ever Seen (Part 2)

9. The SpongeBob Squarepants Movie (2004): I like SpongeBob (the show) alright, it can be funny at times.  This movie isn't.  Funny.  At all.  Stupid musical numbers (a common problem with several of these movies), lack of humor, and plain weirdness.  SpongeBob and Patrick die (then come back due to a magic tear) and.....David Hasslehoff?  What six year old has heard of David Hasslehoff?  Unless their older brother was a Baywatch fan, not many.  Just a fail all around with this one.

Kreese

10. The Karate Kid, Part III (1989): Teenage Daniel Laruso, played by 27 Ralph Machio (or as he will now forever be known, some guy who was on Dancing with the Stars) is in need of more karate training from Mr. Miyagi.  The ex-leader of the Cobra Kai, John Kreese, returns (With A Vengeance!  Sorry.  Die Hard reference.) but this time, his buddy (some nobody with a ponytail) has a plan that involves some third villain we don't care about either.  And you thought today's sequels were bad.


11. Knowing (2009): Starring Nicolas Cage (first sign of trouble), this odd movie with a plot that......never gets fully explained is just weird.  An interesting idea soon becomes boring with one of the worst endings to a movie I've ever seen.  And yes.  Cage does lose it and yell.  Several times.


We Interrupt This Blog Post To Bring You Nic Cage Freaking Out!

"How'd it get burned!?!"

Now Back To Your Regularly Scheduled Blog.


12. Max Payne (2009): When they make a movie based of a video game that doesn't make you want to use a MIB Light Stick on yourself, let me know.  This is based off of a first-person shooter game, where you play a cop named Max Payne.  And that's about it.  Absolutely no reason to watch it.  After playing a cop successfully so many times (The Departed, The Other Guys, We Own the Night), Mark Wahlberg should be embarrassed by this one.

13. Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement (2004):  I have a sister, OK?

14. Cloverfield (2008): Marketed as some mysterious movie about an attack on New York by some monster (basically the American Godzilla) with a unique filming style: the whole film is from the perspective of a handheld video-camera wanna-be survivors use the whole time.  If I'm being chased by a giant monster that wants to eat me, WHY WOULD I WANT IT ON TAPE?  When it hit theaters, some cinemas posted warnings of possible nausea, due to the camera work.  I was nauseated watching this.....for all the wrong reasons.

15. Batman Returns (1992): It kills me as a Batman fan to put 2 Batman films on here.  After facing off against the Joker in the first film, Batman must fight 2 villains (cause, you know, it's the second film): Penguin and Catwoman.  Penguin was born ugly, ate the family cat, and was raised by penguins.  Really?  Catwoman was pushed out a window, died, was licked by cats and became cat-like.  And no, I'M NOT JOKING. THEY REALLY DID THAT!  Just bad on several levels.  Don't get why so many people love it.

Penn (in a different movie)

16. Fair Game (2010): Some movie where Sean Penn yells about stuff we don't care about....mostly cause he's Sean Penn.  Based (like 10%) off a possibly true story, the main character (Naomi Watts) works for the CIA, does some stuff, then her cover is revealed by the government because of an article Penn wrote.  In real life, this lady was like the secretary.  Watts is seen behind enemy lines in the line of fire (sorry.  Couldn't help it).  I'd sue for "workers comp." if I was sent into enemy territories and I was just the secretary (and in case I've confused you, she didn't really go overseas on covert missions.  She made it up).

This is about how I felt watching it.

17. Blank Check (1994): 12 year old kid we're supposed to feel sympathy for gets a blank check from a criminal, cashes it for a million dollars, then pretends to be a super rich business man's summer help.  And he made the guy (Mr. Macintosh) up.  So yeah.  Good message to send to kids.  And he gets a kiss from his dream girl: a 30ish year old FBI agent.  That's illegal in most states.